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| Well, that was certainly an interesting two weeks. Somehow, everything worked out. Instead of breaking it off, I got exactly what I wanted; commitment.
ULTIMATUMS RULE!
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| I thing I don't understand about Xanga is this... when it says 1 view, but I have footprints on my site, what the hell does that even mean?
My mind has been going a mile-a-minute this week; so complex, so dramatic, so FUCKING annoying. Thank you, Kanye, for making me laugh my ass off. Right now, I'm trying to justify my split with Blanket by hoping that it will one day be a good thing (faith, right?); I never intended to have such strong feelings for her, mainly because I knew what kind of girl she was from our very first conversation. I have been discussing with my roommate plans to enter the singles market by meeting more people... but really, I don't have that level of sketch necessary to pick up random chicks and have sex with them. It took Blanket nearly 9 months of bugging me and hanging out to get me in bed with her, so who knows.
Look, I am not condoning pre-marital sex; it's incredibly harmful, and everyone that I had discussions with (thank you all, but I did stipulate in all of my conversations that I knew I was making a mistake, and that I wanted to make the mistake myself to see how it felt) agreed with me or tried to talk me out of it. But life is an experience; I ran away from God like Jonah, and it's ridiculously tough for me to get back onto the same page as Him. But I will admit, I have a stronger desire than ever to get back into the fray of religion; it's almost like a rebound by this point. It's a distraction from what I don't want to feel.
I really should write more about law school and my other friends, but Blanket was my best friend here by far. Losing her as one... feels awful. I can't believe I haven't changed after all these years. Thank God I held back, and even then, it still stings. You really can't go into a relationship thinking you can change someone, no matter how well you treat them.
Now then, should I go to my ex-roommate's wedding? I actually really want to... except for the fact that the only person I would know there is him. All whites, one Asian... and I might have to miss Evidence and Civ Pro. Lord, GIVE ME A SIGN.
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| WELL HELLO THAR EVERYONE!
Yeah, I fucked up. I risked it, went for something I KNEW was bad for me fully for experimentation purposes, and now my heart aches like someone just stomped on my chest cavity. It's not a feeling that I wanted to feel, and following the last time I felt this way... to feel it again this strongly just... well, makes me regret my arrogance. I put up a wall of protection, but even that was not enough to fully hold back my heart-mind.
Honestly though, she wasn't worth it. I knew going in that the word commitment had no meaning to her. I believed that I could do the same to that word, have random hook-ups and feel just as detached as her, but all I found out was that I'm truly not built that way. But in some ways, she was worth it. Stunningly beautiful, magnificent in bed, and treated me phenomenally; the only thing that was lacking was a heart ready for commitment. It ended because I can't deal with that uncertain and anxious feeling.
Don't get me wrong; I think for a couple of months, I was truly happy. That happiness is what's going to drive me towards the next one. That's something completely different from the previous, where all I wanted to do after was play World of Warcraft and act emo. Being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world, so maybe that's why it hurts right now.
Here's to you, Blanket. I wish you true happiness, and thank you for everything.
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| Research and Writing burned me out. I fucking hate writing nowadays, but the Gates (non)-case really highlights the stupidity of this country and of blacks. I've tried to be balanced about this, even siding with the blacks for a moment because hey, FUCK WHITEY... then I realized, Jesus, the man was just doing his job and protecting his safety as outlined by such cases as Terry v. Ohio. He had reasonable suspicion, he followed procedure, he had a tip/phone call, he calmly questioned the black man, he asked for his ID because there was a report of a break-in, weighed it from a totality of the circumstances standard... and we're castigating him for being a good cop? One out of however-many-billion? What happened to worrying about the safety of the cop as highlighted by Supreme Court case law?
The fact that Obama made a comment about this further causes me to regret ever supporting that (non)-African American. He hasn't done shit to alleviate the racial problems in this country, and now has further exacerbated white/black relationships by calling PROPER CRIMINAL PROCEDURE stupid. Well, I do believe some parts of CrimPro is stupid, suppression for example, but he followed what he should have done in this situation properly. What if someone had broken in without Gates realizing (hah, pun)? What if Gates was being held hostage and sent out to talk to the cop? Like the cop said, he has three kids to go home to, and not following procedure just because he was talking to a black man (who are STATISTICALLY MORE DANGEROUS) is what I would call STUPID, Mr. Obama. I love this cop's resoluteness in not apologizing; he has nothing to apologize for, and if half our cops were like this, we'd be in a safer country. Just because you're a professor and "educated" doesn't give you immunity from procedure. And really, black people need to stop feeling so entitled, it's irritating to all the other minority races.
Another thing about Obama... anyone who thinks Universal Health Care is a good fit for the U.S.A. probably needs to research a little more. How the hell are we going to pay for it when we have a deficit of fucking-hell-the-money-went-down-the-toilet? You really think the government won't start regulating what we do and eat if they're footing the bill for our heart conditions and daredevil acts? If they made GM cut 50% of their ad budget in their hostile takeover, say goodbye to red meat if you're on the UHC program.
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| Well shit; I need to get a new name again. 10,000 credits is kind of a bitch to get, to be quite honest.
So yeah, trip to Asia canceled. Visas, blah blah blah expenditures; bullshit things. Unreliable family to be sure.
I wonder, is it possible to be in a sexual relationship but not develop feelings for the other person? Will elaborate on this another day. HEADS OUT OF THE GUTTERS PLEASE.
Maybe I'll take up on that offer and write for the school newspaper. Apparently won't be invited to Law Review.
Eminem's new CD sucked. Green Day's is pretty good. And doesn't Miley Cyrus look a lot like Hayden Patasiaeriangniwe --however the fuck you spell her name -- in some pictures? That is, both are fat and have huge faces.
Working out again. Feels pretty good.
Got a new crew. Strangely similar to college freshman crew, just wiser.
Maybe I'll try out some new girls.
A CAR CHANGES EVERYTHING. Social life, workout, eating, EVERYTHING.
Living by self isn't too bad. Thank you PS3 and HDTV.
Should talk to former roommate more. Not sure if he's in Vegas.
Shockingly, I'm actually enjoying my time in Lansing. I guess opening up a little does help with that.
I don't agree with Criminal Procedure. If a person commits a crime, let's say, storing 2000 pounds of cocaine in his house, it's fucking bullshit that they can get that evidence suppressed in court just because it was acquired in a "lawless" way by cops. A CRIME WAS COMMITTED. You give up your rights when you commit a felony. Nothing in the Constitution was written with the thought that one day, we would have a war on drugs and narcotics. Time to enter the 21st Century, SCt.
I would be a terrible prosecutor. Might get disbarred the first year for planting evidence and such just because I don't agree with Procedure at all. SOMEONE CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE PLEASE. Good arguments only.
Time to go pick up inFamous. Wish I had a little more time for games.
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